There’s a chill in the air, there’s a plastic snowman on your neighbor’s roof, and the people at the local church are fist-fighting over whose kid gets to play Jesus in their living nativity scene. That can mean only one thing: it’s time for the SVSM gift exchange!
The big event, of course, is the gift exchange. Anyone may participate, or choose not to. The gifts should be valued at $15—or more, if you’re really motivated. The bigger the gift, the better the scramble will be to steal it from your peers! Please bring no more than three gifts (that means you, Jim Priete!) this year so that we can conclude the event before the arrival of the spring solstice.
Here’s how it works: when you walk in to the room, your name will be written on a piece of paper (or pieces, depending on how many gifts you bring). These slips of paper will go in a hat. Also, write your name on the gift; this way, if you bring something lame or partially-built, retribution can be served upon you. (This means no Lindberg, no dumping of outdated kits, and no purging of useless supplies. Violators will have their crap gift given back to them and their names removed from the hat. The president will personally see to it this year. Why did he really run for president? To be the gift exchange enforcer, that’s why!)
The gifts will be piled on the table, and when the clock strikes 8, the gift exchange shall begin. It works this way: the first name is drawn, and that person proceeds to the table. Picks a gift, and opens it for all to see. The next person whose name is drawn can open his own present, or steal the first present, in which case the first person will open a second present. The third person can open his own present or steal from the first two recipients, who may either steal from each other or open new presents. After a present is stolen three times, it is dead and out of play. This continues until all the presents are opened or Bert McDowell’s ship model is stolen, whichever comes last.
Confused? Then read this fictionalized account of what might be:
Roy Sutherland’s name is chosen first. He goes to the table and opens a 1:32 Hasegawa Bf 109G-6. “Oh, what a drag,” he says. “All I build at work all day are 1:32 Hasegawa Bf 109G-6s. Woe is me. Can I get some sympathy?” He is met by stony silence. Jim Lund is picked next; he opens a Tamiya 1:72 P-47D. “Darn it! I was hoping for something fun, like an Execuform XF-11!” Jim says. Lou Orselli is next; he steals Roy’s Bf 109, saying he wants to convert it into an Italian version of the Revell kit. Roy steals the P-47D from Jim, who opens the next gift: an Esoteric 1:72 P4M Mercator. “Aha! That’s more like it!” says Jim. Mike Burton is chosen next; instead of stealing Roy’s P-47, he opens a 1:35 Italeri LCM 3 landing craft! Bert McDowell starts salivating. Gabriel Lee is selected next, and cleverly steals the LCM 3, expecting it to be stolen later when there is more for him to steal from. Mike Burton steals Lou’s Bf 109, and Lou steals the P-47. Mark Schynert, who has the ability to count and also knows good models when he sees them, swipes the P-47 from Lou, which means the P-47 is dead and Mark goes home with it. Lou opens the next gift, an AFV Club M883 recovery vehicle. Ron Wergin is next, and he steals the LCM 3 from Gabriel, who opens the next gift: a Hasegawa 1:48 P-40E! Steve Travis is next, and he steals the M883 from Lou, planning to build it as a monster tractor pull vehicle. Lou steals back the Bf 109 from Mike Burton, making it the third steal and taking the Bf 109 out of competition. Mike steals the P-40E from Gabriel, who opens the next gift: a three-volume reference book set on the history of the Venezuelan Air Force! Jim Priete’s evil mind begins turning and he eagerly awaits his turn…
That is the way it works. While it seems complicated, the expert record-keeping of the president and his iron-fisted rulings will maintain order throughout. Please commit your acts of revenge in the parking lot. And happy holidays!
